More

Colored Pencil on Bristol | 27 inches x 42 inches | There are parameters around me and I don't know why. There are these walls that built themselves out of nowhere and they revel in it. Yet they're stoic and dark and when I catch their glance they give me nothing in return. But I can feel them staring. They are very much alive. There is a formula here that keeps me trapped. There is some kind of pressure that weighs down in measures. And it layers and layers and layers. These parameters choke me in a tender silence. No one is around to hear any sort of screams. So I feel lost trying to make any. Struggling seems foreign and sounds compromised. I'm tethered to this notion and the world stays dark. And my mind is compressed and I'm confused by these parameters. I examine them while they examine me. And I wonder why I can't see beyond their limits. If my eyes did work, I'd open them wider. But the light's run out so I'll lay down some more. I'm sorry because I wish I could tell you why. These parameters all around me create a world removed and everything is beyond the dark.

Parameters | Colored Pencil on Bristol | 27 inches x 42 inches | 2017

Colored Pencil on Bristol | 28 inches x 40 inches | They’ll know my name. They keep operating like everything is normal. But they’ll know my name. They’re going to know my way of thinking. They’re going to feel this tension too. I’ll make them see it one way or another. Any way I can. They’re going to see this. They’re going to see me. It doesn’t matter whether they understand or not because it’s coming for them. And it’s going to stay there. It’s not about being a type. It’s not about fitting a mold or following a curve. It’s about being a force. None of the ambiance is worth anything; none of the atmosphere or pomp. It’s that force that matters. That overwhelming wave. And they’re going to know my name. All of this tension is going to be used and it’s going right back out. The compression is setting in and that’s more a reason to push it back. One step more. They’ll know my name.

Self-titled | Colored Pencil on Bristol | 28 inches x 40 inches | 2016

Colored Pencil on Bristol | 26 inches x 26 inches

Radar | Colored Pencil on Bristol | 26 inches x 26 inches | 2016

Colored Pencil on Mixed Media Paper | 27 inches x 36 | Desiring to be loved by becoming the unlovable. She wants you to know and she doesn't want you to know. She is grit. She is aggression. She is a sentiment of anarchy. She is at odds with the world and fashions a self contrary to the rest. What they want is stupid. She's above it. She's beyond it. But all she wants is love. She always has. She has been victimized by this desire for her whole life. And now she wants it to fall victim to her. She will no longer be it's slave. She has embraced her bitterness and become a manifestation of this struggle. All she does and all she is has become an effort against it. Yet love is all she truly wants. She is a generation seeking self through self-destruction. And what repels you by angst attracts you through sympathy. She is Heavy Metal Lover.

Heavy Metal Lover | Colored Pencil on Mixed Media Paper | 27 inches x 36 | 2016

Colored Pencil on Bristol | 11 inches x 15 inches | I drowned myself in you. I let myself get too submerged. It was to the point that oxygen began to leave and the lights were growing dim. Deeper and deeper I began to sink. And I liked it that way. I liked being below your depths. At the time I didn't know I was drowning. I had no idea that drowning could seem so nice. But then one day it all stopped. You weren't there but I was still drowning. And for the first time I realized what it meant to drown. I discovered the way drowning begins to kill. I learned how lethal being submerged for so long can be. I drowned myself in you and let everything go by the wayside. It felt so nice to drown before I learned that drowning does nothing but kill. When I realized the truth, I was still a far way under. You weren't there but I had a lot of depth to make up for. You went away but I was left desperately trying to resurface.
Now I know what drowning means. Now I know what it does. And now I'm almost back to the surface.

Drowning | Colored Pencil on Bristol | 11 inches x 15 inches | 2015

Colored Pencil on Bristol | 19 inches x 24 inches | The moment you know. It's when the earth starts to tremble. When your body starts to ache. You know. No matter how hard you try to deny it or how severely you refuse it there's no escape. In a moment, it's through. Nothing will be the same.
The truth enters through the senses. You see it. It rushes in. And then it pauses. This is that pause. This is that moment of unbroken suspension. This is the moment it all becomes clear.
There they are, hand in hand. There goes all you worried would be true. There is where all of the pieces fall into place and all of the prior questiosns become answers. There is where the connections are made and it all makes sense. There is the moment when you realize the truth. It all ends. And life begins.

Realization | Colored Pencil on Bristol | 19 inches x 24 inches | 2015